he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
