Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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