I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
