sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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