I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
