grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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