He told me they were just razor bumps!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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