I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
