Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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