he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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