dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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