well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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