he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
