I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
