i jhust puked up my retainher.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
