I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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