Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Randomize
