the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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