He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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