Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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