I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
