your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
