I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
They have beer where we have blood.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
