just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
