I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
