so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Randomize
