where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
