She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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