we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
