Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
