Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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