Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
