dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
