he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
