i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
