You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
