Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
