R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
