i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
And then he peed in my hair
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