I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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