that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
