White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
