I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
