I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
