turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
