Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
