Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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