careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish you could order shots online.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
