I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
