he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
