but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
